Annoyance and Gratitude
by legendarytobes
Summary: Five things fic for the prompt: "5 1 (post-reveal/everybody knows) - 5 times Lucifer was annoyed his friends and coworkers knew about his devil powers, (like asking him to help them move furniture, or question a suspect in hell, or reach high places) and 1 time he was really, really grateful."


5+1 (post-reveal/everybody knows) - 5 times Lucifer was annoyed his friends and coworkers knew about his devil powers, (like asking him to help them move furniture, or question a suspect in hell, or reach high places) and 1 time he was really, really grateful.

**In-law**

"The Vampire Queen, as I live and breathe," Lucifer purred as Penelope let herself into Chloe's apartment.

Well, it technically was theirs now, but since he'd also kept the penthouse above Lux, hen viewed this as a necessity for the weeknights when Chloe had the urchin, and it simply would be too crowded for the three of them at the penthouse. Well, not actually, he had several spare bedrooms there and the scamp was almost fifteen and not as sticky as she'd been at seven, but that wasn't the point. Chloe's place was the family side of things. On the weekends or holidays where Daniel had the child-and Lucifer wouldn't be able to call Trixie that much longer-the penthouse was for _fun_.

Penelope Decker beamed up at him, a mischievous and hungry glint in her eyes. The first time they'd met, years ago, she'd flirted hard with him. That was fair. Back then, Lucifer flirted and often promise far more as easily as he breathed. Before the disastrous family dinner, she'd even propositioned him. Something he'd shot down politely due to his fascination (he hadn't realized that even by then he'd been in love with Chloe) with her daughter. Honestly, if he'd met the Queen of 80s Sci-Fi before he'd ever met the detective, he'd have _relished_ such an opportunity. Even now, nearly nine years later, Penelope was a striking woman.

Part of that had to do with the genetics that served both Chloe and the urchin well. Part of it was Penelope's choice of surgeons-some who owed Lucifer favors-to keep everything as well kept up as possible.

But, no, whatever carnal might have once been a possibility had long since snuffed out. So, Lucifer knew that she wanted something. That there was a specific _desire_ flickering through Penelope's somewhat devious mind. Honestly, Chloe must have taken after her father pretty heavily. He loved his detective, but she was far from the fun, spontaneous type. Probably for the best. At least one of them should be by the book and it certainly wasn't going to be him. However, Penelope was unpredictable and a bit chaotic. Apparently, the ultimate stage mother, and Lucifer was glad for the miscreant's sake that Chloe had shut down any influence by grandma in Trixie's future professional life.

Far better to be the next president of Mars or, well, so far try and work for NASA some day than be a child actress. That was a business so shady and dangerous the devil wanted no part of that for him or his kin.

So, it wasn't Trixie Penelope was here about. Since Chloe hadn't mentioned anticipating Penelope at all this month, and since she was also out testifying as a witness for the next few days at a high profile trial, Lucifer figured that Penelope was on a mission directly for him.

Narrowing his eyes, he regarded his mother-in-law (Yes, who knew the Devil would fall intro matrimony, though he liked to think of himself via Amenadiel as an officiant with online-earned credentials made it far from holy). She set her coat and imitation Birkin bag down on the island and leaned into a hug from him. Still, suspicious, he kissed each cheek delicately.

As they pulled away and she made a b-line for the pinot, he sighed. "It's lovely to see you, dear, but why do I feel there might be an ulterior motive to your stopping by?"

Penelope started to pour her drink into a glass that had to have been hers and passed onto Chloe in a move long ago. Lucifer doubted his wife ever would have owned an oversized novelty wine glass that read "It's Wine O'Clock Somewhere."

"Don't be silly. I had some free time before my next project, and I realized I hadn't visited my favorite son-in-law in ages."

"Only one, unless you and Daniel hang out more than I assumed, and, if so, then you have my sympathies. It would be a very dull time indeed." Lucifer accepted a glass for himself in a less ornate glass and took a polite sip. He wasn't a wine drinker by nature and the top shelf at Lux was so much better than what Chloe insisted on buying for herself on a detective's salary. But if he was going to be sympatico with Penelope, then he needed to go all in. "Darling, you do know that I can smell a lie or a false pretense miles away, don't you?"

She stilled but her smile didn't fall from her lips. No matter what the critics said, Penelope Decker was a good actress. After all where would _Alien Invasion 3: Slug Wars_ have been without her as the evil alien empress?

"Why Lucifer, I'm just shocked you'd imply I wanted something."

He arched an eyebrow. "Don't bullshit the devil, darling. It's not possible. So, spill. Do you require a favor?"

She let out a long breath. "Well, not exactly. Since you explained you don't actually deal in souls in exchange for eternal youth and beauty, what's the point?"

"Vicious propaganda against me. First of all, the favors I deal in never involve souls. Whatever would I do with them when it came time to collect? Second, I have many powers but even I can't stop the aging process in humans."

Would that he could. Every time he saw an extra line on Chloe's face or the slightest hint of grey at her temples, pain shot through him. The time he had-the time any of the Celestials had-among mortals was brief. It had never bothered him before, when his adventures topside were a few weeks at best, when it was all about the fun but never about the connection. Now, he'd collected quite a cadre of humans who, even with Trixie, wouldn't last more than eighty years longer. Whether it was hopefully fifty more like Chloe or eighty like the urchin, time would run out faster than he could imagine. Such was immortality, and as the years passed, maybe just a little, he understood Cain more.

Didn't make the bastard less deserving of being dead and in Hell, but, Dear Dad yes, if he could grant immortal youth, he'd have done it by now for Chloe and Trixie both, whether they'd wanted it or not.

"See. What's the point of it's all real, heaven and hell, and you've got the devil in your corner if you can't get a little something better than Botox?"

Lucifer rolled his eyes even as he took another sip of the less-than-adequate pinot. "I'm glad my phenomenal cosmic powers are a joke to you. I'm not the fountain of bloody youth, was never in the job description."

"Perhaps," Penelope drawled.

Truth be told, he had a mix of feelings toward the way the humans in his life dealt with and viewed him. Long story short, after a bit of a snafu with Lilith of all demons at his wedding two years ago, everyone _knew_. After they'd snapped out their shock (and, no surprise, it had taken Daniel the longest), Penelope, Ella, Trixie, and Detective Douche had seemed to adjust to it. That was one thing he liked about humans in general. Their free will and short life spans also seemed to predispose them to being able to roll with the unexpected far better than Celestials. On the other hand, that same ability sometimes left them blasé about the truly miraculous and otherworldly. So, while he was glad his friends and family (and in Daniel's case, tolerated acquaintance) accepted him, some part of him was a little annoyed-okay maybe a lot incensed-that they didn't take him being the Devil as the big, imposing deal it technically was.

Like now. When Penelope could regard him with a little more wonder and little less like trying to talk up a vending machine.

"Alright, luv, spill. What exactly do you need?"

"Can't I just spend time with a charming man?"

"Technically, you could, but we both know that's not why you're here when Chloe's indisposed. You know I don't do wetworks either, right? That's not only forbidden by my Father-one rule we agree, I suppose-but the only time I broke that covenant, my life went to shit. So, what is it?"

"I don't want Veronica dead. Heavens no." She drained her drink and poured a hefty second glass. "I just want to be cast as the lead in the new SyFy film _Dragonquake_. It's all the rage, you know, for genre representatives."

Lucifer didn't even smirk, but he was amused at the euphemisms Penelope came up with to deny the fact she was a B-grade actress. Not that there was anything to be ashamed of. He'd take a _Body Bags, Weaponizer_, or _Vampires of Venus_ over a so-called film classic any day of the week.

"Yes?" he prodded.

"Well, a good set of SyFy films can really rejuvenate a career. I just was hoping for a way to ensure Veronica Evans didn't land the role instead."

"So, a favor. That doesn't even require anything preternatural. If you know the producer, I'm sure I can make a call."

"Oh, it's Gene Sisco, and she's already sleeping with him. The cunning…you know what. I doubt you can call in a favor better than that."

"Before I was off the market, I promise you The Skillet could have. However, that is a bit of a kink in my plans. What were you thinking?"

Penelope grinned and set her wine glass down. Then she sauntered over to him and patted his forearm. "Now, you're talking."

"Quite," he drawled.

"If you could just talk to her, do that 'desire' mojo Chloe's mentioned. It would be great if maybe there was a reason Veronica had to drop out of the running."

"You want me to see the lady so to speak for drinks, draw out her secrets, and report back to you with adequate blackmail material so you can get your role. Am I correct?"

Penelope's eyes glittered. "Exactly, that should be a quick evening for you. I mean, she'd never get into a club like Lux without your invite. I'm sure that enough would get her guard down, then the exquisite owner comes over to chat her up…it wouldn't take you an hour."

Lucifer had done that so many times. First, for his own amusement. Then and still, for the LAPD when suspects wouldn't submit to regular interrogations. It shouldn't turn something in his stomach. He'd gladly volunteered his services before, but this felt exploitative. Since when did he bloody care about that? Sighing, his eyes flitted to the platinum band on his left hand. Right then. _Chloe_ would have frowned on this, and she was like the cricket on his shoulder even when she wasn't physically around.

"Lucifer?"

He sighed and drummed his fingers on the island. "I will do this for you because I like to help family. However, I do feel that I should remind you of two things. First, if Chloe were here, she'd hate this."

"It's not illegal."

"It's not exactly moral, not that it bothers me." It didn't, not really. "But Chloe doesn't like anything not on the up-and-up. It would disappoint her."

"Only if she finds out," Penelope said. Then she laughed, a forced, throaty purr that would have held sway with many men, but Lucifer wasn't among them.

"You know what I mean. Second, I should warn you, as the Once and Future King of Hell that blackmail isn't exactly innocent. I suppose if you don't feel any guilt over the action, there's little risk to you."

"Veronica has been a thorn in my side since 1982. It would be my extreme pleasure to put that hack in her place."

"Figured that. However, if I do this for you, it's a one-time deal. Consider it a sentimental favor to the Vampire Queen because you made catching up on human cinema when I first got back to Earth this time around quite delightful, almost as much as following the oeuvre of Kimo Van Zant. That said, I'm not going to help you stain your soul. Trixie and Chloe would both kill me for that…metaphorically speaking. So, this is the deal. One time 'desire mojo' and you can use it now on Veronica or save it as an I.O.U., but I won't be some vending machine for you. Do you get that?"

Penelope pouted, a look he'd seen often on Trixie's face when chocolate cake was involved. "You drive a hard bargain."

"That part of my reputation is true. However, have we a deal? Do you really want a part in _Dragonquake_ that badly, my dear? People have asked the devil for far more than that."

"I want Veronica humiliated, and I want my own _Sharknado_. I need it." She regarded him with a fanatic gleam in her eyes that, deep down, he knew better than to encourage. But one time and a promise she wouldn't feel guilty over acing Veronica out of this role, well, he was fairly certain it wouldn't damn his mother-in-law.

Like ninety-five percent.

He set his own glass down and, reaching out his hand, shook hers. "Then consider it done. Now, if you'd like to actually enjoy my company…"

"You know that I do."

"Well, there's a delightful schlock marathon now on your new channel, a selection of their favorite antichrist films. Those always make me laugh. Would you care to join me?"

**Co-Parenting**

"No. Absolutely not. Under no circumstance would I ever do that, Detective Douche."

Daniel gritted his teeth and gestured to Trixie's room. Lucifer was actually impressed with the spawn's ingenuity and initiative. While Daniel had been on vacation that past weekend with his newest girlfriend to Catalina, the urchin had put a padlock over her door. She was sixteen, an act of defiance like that was inevitable. Maybe it was a bad thing she took after Penelope more than Chloe or even Daniel with their (usually in the Douche's case) strict cop-inspired moral compasses.

"Man, come on." Daniel leaned against the door. "I invited you here while the girls were out at the movies to get some help. You think Chloe wants a padlock on her daughter's bedroom."

"Well, that isn't a problem at our home."

There was a slight grimace, even after all these years, on Daniel's face when Lucifer needled him about being with Chloe. It wasn't much, but it did happen. Of course, their marriage had collapsed over Palmetto and long before Lucifer had even entered the picture. That was what one got for gaslighting the woman he claimed to love. Okay, and maybe Lucifer never quite stopped thinking there was a douchey side to Daniel even now.

"Of course not, Lucifer. Trixie's not an idiot, and you're _the Devil_."

"Except no substitutes," he chirped.

"So, Trixie knows that there is no way a lock would last five seconds in a place where you can just crush it."

Lucifer brought a hand to his chest in affront. "I would never do that. Free will is my favorite thing, and my least favorite is pushy fathers-of which I am happily not one."

"Whatever, man. You still are in charge of Trixie half the time, well, at least backing Chloe up on it. You make sure she's safe, and that's probably one of the only reasons I like you. You take care of the girls, and that's a good thing."

"I'm not a bloody narc. Besides, you might be merely mortal, but they invented bolt cutters for a reason."

Daniel nodded and then gestured at the lock. "I considered that, and I did think about picking it, but I've never been good at that especially with padlocks. I just need you do that whatever it is you do to get locks to open on their own. I take a sweep around and make sure she's not hiding things in there."

"She's sixteen, and she put a padlock on her door. Of course, she's bloody hiding things from you. This is the whole reason teenagers rebel because their fathers are always looming over their business!"

"So, what? Thirteen billion years of existence or somewhere in there and you still think like you're sixteen too?"

Lucifer crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "Do not diminish the universe's oldest feud like that."

"Like what?" Daniel smirked.

"Like it's a teenage snit. It is not. However, I do know that if she figures out what you've done, Trixie won't talk to you for months."

Daniel deflated at that and leaned heavily on Trixie's door. "I'll get the bolt cutters if I have to, but I wanted to be more discreet. Lucifer, man, I know you get busy with Lux and consulting and she's not your kid, but did Chloe mention Trixie's grades, especially in chemistry, cratered this quarter? She won't talk to us, and, great, since she's part miracle she can't be mojo'ed…"

Lucifer let his eyes flash red at such an implication. "I would _never_ do that to her."

"Anyway, that's not an option, and Chloe hasn't been able to get her to talk to her or me either. Come on, when have you ever heard about Trixie getting a D in anything, let alone science? It's all she cares about and NASA and all of it. I just need to get a feel for what we're dealing with here."

Lucifer frowned and that feeling of a fat man sitting on his chest was crushing him again. He had been busy lately, some trouble Gaudium had poked his nose into was blowing back on him and Maze both. He hadn't spent as much time with Trixie in the last couple months and he just hadn't noticed anything being wrong. He should have. He wasn't her father, never pretended to be when Daniel was here and had it handled, but he thought they were friends. What was she hiding from him too?

"Please, I just want her safe and that" Daniel gestured to the lock. "It's not safe."

He sighed. "You can't just snap your fingers like I'm a dog. I don't… I won't be the KGB or whatever spying in on the urchin whenever you like. Telekinesis is a bit more than that."

Daniel's eyes widened. "What?"

"Well, how did you think I did it?"

"I honestly hadn't figured that out. I figured magic maybe, like some demon curses. How am I supposed to know? I mean, I went to church until I got confirmed, then I slacked a lot."

Lucifer rubbed at his temples. "Yes, that's it, 'demon curses.' I merely wave my hand over a lock and whisper 'open sesame' in Lillim and lock turned." He snorted. "Don't be daft. It's not but so impressive, but I can do some small range telekinetic things-pick lock tumblers, play a bit with coins or small objects. It's not my best trick, but it's not useless either."

"Telekinesis, huh."

"I'm not an X-man," Lucifer grumbled. "I'm also _not_ a narc. I don't want to…she deserves her privacy."

"Her grades are tanking, and I need to know why. Chloe and I need to be able to protect her. This once, Lucifer, _please._ Dude, how many times have I ever asked you for anything since I've really known." Daniel regarded him carefully. "To be honest, I think I've been a good guy here, um, after I adjusted from losing Charlotte."

"Well you were a right douche that year, but none of us were our best." Lucifer knew he hadn't been.

"That said, I think pretty much any other guy on Earth, when he found out his little girl's stepfather was going to be the Devil, like you know that one."

"Yes, I'm aware of my life and job title, Detective Espinoza."

"Well, man, come on! I didn't even get mad about that. I trusted you, and you've taken cause of my daughter well for the last few years." 

"You did spend about a week catatonic and the next whimpering when I knocked at your door. That was pretty funny." Lucifer smirked, enjoying the needling. There would always be that between them.

"But I moved on, and a lot of guys would have called an exorcist!"

"Please do not joke about that," Lucifer said. It had been years since Father Kinley, but what an utter debacle that had been, not only dealing with the fallout from the demons he'd warned down in hell-over a year in just Earth time spent away from home-but the betrayal that still sometimes bit at him from Chloe. "Alright, since I've never seen you this worried about Trixie before, but this won't…next time you get the bloody bolt cutters."

Reaching up, he pressed his hand to the lock and concentrated. Almost on their own accord the tumblers slid and snapped into place, and then he was easily able to remove it with a flick of his fingers.

Daniel nodded and patted Lucifer's shoulder. "Thank you. I…you have no idea how worried I am." The other man stalked into Trixie's room and started by looking under her bed.

Lucifer followed after him, not completely able to nix his own curiosity either. He figured what Daniel would find, and he had no idea why every teenager had the same (very obvious and stupid) hiding spot. It didn't take long for the detective to pull out the bong or the box of weed.

When he opened the box, Lucifer was relieved that all that was there was from what he could smell was a very inferior and cheap collection of street trash. Seriously, if Trixie had wanted to experiment, she could have come to him. He had access to some of the best stuff in the state. And, perhaps, saying that out loud would not be helpful.

"Do you smoke around her?"

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "First, give me some credit for not being a complete moron. I never would. Second, and I keep reminding Chloe of this but _Celestial metabolism_. I have to partake in half a damn pot farm to feel it. I just like what little buzz I can manage if I try, same with the drinking. Third, I would never smoke trash that basic, and fourth, whatever paraphernalia I still have secreted is deep in the penthouse under locks brought back from Hell-thank you very much and nothing cuts demon steel or picks it-and only used when Chloe isn't bloody around because she's a bigger buzzkill than you are."

He was definitely not going to mention the heroin, molly, or coke he had stashed for relief after the occasional fights with Chloe when he needed to take the edge off but couldn't do it with sex or violence as he always had in the past. Linda wasn't exactly thrilled that it was his coping mechanism, but she was at least encouraged he didn't turn to devil-levels of violence so it was a half-measure Lucifer was trying to grow past.

But no, he never would have done something like that in front of Trixie, and he never had told her anything about his exploits or what he kept in his penthouse. Chloe didn't even know.

"Look, Daniel, the detective doesn't know that last part so I'd appreciate if…"

Daniel shoved the box into Lucifer's hands. "I swear to God, if she's doing this in any way because of you…"

Lucifer took in a deep breath and reminded himself that threatening Daniel wouldn't go well for either of them, especially when both were upset over Trixie. For his part, Lucifer didn't think the drugs, themselves, were that bad, but he was worried about the change in Trixie's personality, the grades, and why she'd start doing this to begin with. She was trying to escape _something_, and Lucifer-the devil himself-was worried about what.

"I swear to you, Daniel, that I would _never_ nor would Mazikeen, not after the pot brownie fiasco years ago. We both care very deeply for the urchin. Whatever is going on, we'll both help you with her. I swear it, and you know how I feel about promises."

Daniel shook his head. "She's not your kid."

"Yes, I thought we established that," Lucifer said, though his voice was tighter than it had been. She wasn't, and he didn't want that, but she mattered to him and, yes, they were like family in some ways. Daniel had no right to imply Lucifer didn't care at all. That would be a lie.

"Some things are just about me and Chloe and Trixie. She's _our_ daughter. We'll handle it, and I mean it, Lucifer. If she started any of this crap because of you and how hard you party-"

"I really don't much anymore."

"Then, I don't give a fuck if you're the Devil, I will find a way to kick your ass."

"Daniel, if any of this is even conceivably my fault, I'll have Maze do it for you."

**Cosplay**

"No, absolutely not." Lucifer shook his head and leaned back on the sofa in Ella's apartment.

Every so often, he hung with his best friend at her place instead of just spending extra time at the lab. If he did it at the lab, as much as he liked Ella, he usually ended up on the other end of lectures about the latest PCR DNA techniques or whatever bollocks. Things he couldn't really follow, but it was cute to see her face light up about it as she talked. Azrael wasn't wrong to send her to him, Ella really did remind him of his flighty sister. Back millennia ago, in the Silver City, you couldn't get Azrael to stop talking, always about something that had never crossed his mind but was fascinating to her. Ella was the same.

However, when he hung out with Ella at her place, that ended up with her taking him out to dinner at the craziest hole in the wall places in L.A. he'd never find on his own and, more often than not, marathon her favorite sci-fi and fantasy crap on streaming services. They'd gotten recently through _Game of Thrones_, what a let down of a show at the end. He'd vetoed _Supernatural _after angels appeared as he got enough of them in person, and now they were working their way through something utterly ridiculous but at least funny with Henson muppets in space. _Farwhatever_.

However, while he enjoyed Ella's company immensely and while he was glad that in the years since she'd _known_, she'd never made him feel any differently, she was finally taking her turn at abusing knowing the devil.

"Come on, Lucifer. Have you ever been to one?"

"No, why would I?"

Ella rolled her eyes. "Dude, conventions are fun. I mean, some of it would be up your alley. There are a lot of everyone in costumes, and, you know, comics stuff doesn't leave much for the imagination. Besides, half the stars on the circuit this year out at the LSCC are from like 80s action stuff. You'd dig that."

"Yes, I have no objection to going and enjoying the frenetic nature of it all. I could always enjoy getting an autograph or two from people to go along with Kimo's…still a bloody shame he was in prison for a few years for what his wife drove him to. Not smart to wield a gun like that in public and get into a standoff. However, that's not what you asked, _Miss Lopez_. You wanted me to help you cheat at a costume contest."

"It's not exactly cheating. You could do it, right?"

Lucifer narrowed his eyes at her. "What I can finally get myself to do with self-actualization isn't exactly getting some latex and paint and cotton balls or whatever bloody else you would make a costume out of. Hence, it's probably cheating, and it's not a parlor trick."

"The prize for this is ten thousand dollars. Come on! It would be a blast."

"I can give you the ten thousand dollars. I'll cut you a check tomorrow and add gold bar in for good measure."

Ella blinked at him and then whistled. "You could actually do that, couldn't you?"

"Of course. I've been around since before humans, let alone before you lot came up with the concept of commerce. I've squirreled away wealth for eons. That's nothing to me. My dignity on the other hand…"

"Dude, no one would know. That's the whole point of cosplay, and something this intricate…it's not like they'd know minor club owner was the same dude."

"_Minor_, how dare you. Lux is the best club in the city, all the more reason not to damage the brand with nerd things."

Ella's eyes went wide and her lip wobbled. Perfect, now he felt like utter crap. "So, you really are just humoring me with the 'nerd things?'"

"No, not exactly. I did like the _Buffy_ marathon last month, even if they get demons so wrong. I don't mind the _Farwhatever_ stuff now. You know I enjoy talking with you after cases at the lab…it's a long stretch from that to entering a costume contest. Besides," he said, sitting up and puffing his shoulders up. "…it's still cheating. I can do more than any human could to alter their appearance. Why do you need the ten thousand dollars so badly, anyway? Boost the wrong car?"

"Dude! Of course not!" She sighed. "Honestly, Rae Rae and I had a different idea for costumes, to be honest, this whole _Steven Universe_ thing. She does a great Ruby." Ella sighed.

"I'm sensing that deal is off, then?" Lucifer asked.

To be honest, even now, Ella saw his sister more than he did. After they'd started patching their relationship up a bit and, especially after Ella _knew_, he and Azrael had been working on their relationship. After all, he'd managed to bridge a far bigger gap with Amenadiel. It was hard if only because the Angel of Death had little free time to herself, but they managed to meet for drinks or something similar about once a season. He got the impression that she and Ella saw each other maybe monthly. Last time he'd seen Rae Rae, she hadn't mentioned any comic con plans. Then again, that had been almost two months ago.

"She and I might have had a fight. I just…sometimes I don't think I'm over being lied to since I was a kid, you know?"

"I don't endorse lying, Miss Lopez. Though, I suppose, it would have been worse for an eight-year-old to tell her very religious parents she was now friends with the Angel of Death. At either rate, and I'm truly sorry for this, they never would have believed you whether you'd have said angel or ghost." 

"No shit," Ella replied, flopping harder into the couch cushions. "It changed my whole life, and since I'm in L.A., I don't think about it much."

Lucifer grinned. "I think you've upgraded in associates, if I do say so myself."

"Totally, and, dude," she continued, making air quotes with her fingers on the next part. "You're a way better 'brother' than the four I got. It's just I went back home over Christmas, and my brothers…they just were mean again about the 'I see dead people' thing. They're always mean about it. I can't exactly explain to them that 'hey, I know like three angels and it's all real.'"

Lucifer's eyes went red and Ella squeaked before he got that under control. "Sorry, but that's such crap. Your brothers should appreciate you. Dad knows that we all do. Everyone at the precinct adores you. You're the best tech we have. Besides, you know that Chloe, Daniel…even Eve and Maze and Linda…we're all here for you."

"I know," she said dejectedly. "But that's not the same as family."

"I'm far more charming, handsome, and funnier than your brothers, guaranteed. Also, you know _two_ angels. I'm something better than that."

Ella shrugged and bumped his shoulder. "Once an archangel…"

"No interest in going back to that, _chica_, and I certainly don't have an engraved invitation either."

"Maybe, but I just…so when I came home and Rae Rae was over and it started as something stupid, just arguing about how to do the costumes and normal stuff. Then, I dunno, I mentioned about the latest jackass thing that Ricardo had said about me being a schizo and it just turned into a big fight." Ella rubbed at her eyes, and Lucifer had a moment of panic. Even after all these years and living part-time with a teenage girl, he was hopeless around tears. If Ella lost it right now, he'd never be able to help her. "Anyway, I said things to her I didn't really mean, and she hasn't been answering my prayers lately. I just…I like all of you."

"Must be true; Amenadiel isn't that interesting."

She slapped his shoulder. "He's sweet, and so knowledgeable on theology. I have great conversations with him."

"If you need to be serious, sure."

"Sometimes," she admitted. "I wish things were easier, that's all. So, no, Rae Rae and I are not going to LSCC so I need a new costume approach, and this is a good idea, and I would love the ten k but mostly just the bragging rights and the fun. Come on, Luce…uh…ifer," she stumbled off his glare. "You could do it right? I mean, be real, you're the Devil so you get the technicality of a deal and not the actual spirit. There is nowhere in the rulebook for the contest that forbids magic, miracles, or infernal powers. So, you're totally allowed!"

Lucifer frowned. "Well, I suppose that no one with something this elaborate would know that The Lucifer Morningstar had been dragged down into such rot."

"Yup, and you'd help me with my stuff, and we could both go as total aliases for when they call our names as winners. It would be a blast." She blinked large, luminous eyes at him and had she been talking with Trixie? Were they both going to ambush him like this now?

Some devil he was.

"Alright, but only because my sister welched on you and only the one time. I'm not going to help you hustle up and down a con circuit."

Ella shrieked—Dad help his sensitive hearing-and enveloped him in one of those anaconda squeezes she called a hug. "Lucifer thank you! You won't regret it!"

"Oh, believe me, I bloody well already do."

"And the winners are 'Ella Lopez and Luke Scratch,' please come on up to collect your prize."

Technically, Ella had entered under her legal name, and Lucifer could understand the logic in that. When all was said and done, they'd make sure the check went to her. He had no interest at all in confusing Lux's brand with this bollocks even though, and he would swear this was not true to both the detective and to Mazikeen, the whole weekend had been rather enjoyable.

As they both took the stage, Lucifer smirked. The judge and emcee for the contest had been a lead in some teen vampire show that Trixie had fancied, and Lucifer found utter rubbish. Not that vampires existed, but their take on demons was more pathetic than most. However, it was rather gratifying to take the pretty boy's hand and shake it even as an assistant handed Ella the novelty check.

It was especially gratifying to watch the pillock's eyes go wide when he gripped such warm, dry skin with no hint of latex or paint on it.

Lucifer looked toward the crowd and took a bow, spreading his wings wide. Beside him Ella let the illusion of her own do the same. After that, they hurried backstage laughing—the Devil did not giggle-between them at the rush of adrenaline they both were sharing.

Ella grinned as she leaned as best as she could against the walls. "See, I told you," she said, her voice a low hiss. "The glamour thing for me and the whole…"

"Self-actualization thing now that it's not a scary menace and sword of Damocles over my entire existence?" he prodded, his tone a bit subdued.

"…yeah for you." Still grinning, she pulled out her phone and held it up.

Despite himself, Lucifer grinned for the selfies. "Fine," he said, after she set her phone away. "But if you ever show these to anyone we know, I'll deny this happened."

"Uh-uh."

"I'm bloody serious!" He gestured to himself. "I don't do this for just anyone and never again, although it's amusing watching the humans try and figure out how we did it. I think we felt a bit too real for that vampire-wannabe git."

Ella grinned and it even looked like she had the pointed fangs to match. "Okay, so I wasn't completely sure you could do all this that well. The glamour stuff was half a guess because like once I ruined the living room rug and Rae Rae fixed it at least for a week until it could be something I could later blame Jay for after pizza night." She unfurled the wing part of her illusion again. "But this is wicked. I mean, maybe for Halloween you and me and Trixie could do something cooler?"

Dad save him from the big puppy eye maneuver. "You talked me into going out like half the cast of some cartoon show I've never even heard of because I have a life."

"_Gargoyles_ is a classic, and it's way better than _Bones_."

"Nothing is better than _Bones_."

"And Goliath and Demona are the total leads. It's not like I made you go as Brooklyn."

"Yet all I hear now is white noise," he replied, winking at her playfully. "Next time you costume play-"

"Cosplay."

"Same difference, take Azrael. I talked to sis and she should be answering your prayers again."

Ella's face lit up, such as one looking like a gargoyle could and she hugged him. Sure, that she was able to still maneuver. That much figured. "Thank you! How'd you get her to?"

"When the Devil asks, few people refuse, even his siblings."

"Cool, but I'm still thinking about owning Halloween from now on. I have this idea for _Ninja Turtles_ and…"

Dad help him as she nattered on. He'd probably do whatever she asked, especially if she were co-conspiring with the urchin. What had happened to the former Lord of Hell? Once, he'd been the ultimate negotiator and dealmaker, hadn't he? Then again, if this little humiliation got Ella to smile like that, not to mention Trixie too, it was probably worth it.

Probably.

**Back-Up**

"This really isn't my purview, Linda." Lucifer scrubbed at the five o'clock shadow on his chin and looked out Linda's kitchen window and to her, thankfully, well fenced in yard. "This is my brother's arena. I'm not one for pep talks with small children or any children. I have been very clear to call me when Charlie's old enough for strip clubs. I know that you're not as rigid an authoritarian as my own Father-who could be-but I do think six might be a bit young for that."

His doctor and sister-in-law (and once lover but that was all rather sordid, wasn't it) glared at him over her mug of coffee. Lucifer wasn't exactly intimidated, but he was rethinking how much sarcasm he was going to use with her.

"Well, Amenadiel has been in Heaven for three days not answering his very pissed off wife's prayers."

Lucifer frowned. That was unusual. Occasionally his brother went up to the Silver City, usually to visit with Charlotte, but once in a great while Celestial business beckoned. As long as it didn't concern Lucifer, he didn't much care. The Silver City had run for eons without him, he was sure it was as boring and as regimented as ever even with Amenadiel barely checking in. However, three days in a row and incommunicado was definitely something new. It wasn't demon trouble-Lucifer had that locked down and did he even get thanks for that-so it had to be something purely in the domain of the heavenly host. Perhaps Dad had gotten bored with whatever universe he was making now and popped back in for a chat.

Lovely.

"I see. He shouldn't be gone but so long. I mean, Dad might not even be back. To be honest, Linda, to an infinite being, forty years blurs into four or five thousand so quickly that even Father ever comes back and needed to summon the Favorite Son, you lot would be long gone before that happened."

"That's not actually reassuring."

"Should be. It seems more likely the remaining archangels wanted a huddle. Someone denying Amenadiel a chance to speak with you when needed sounds a lot more like my twin or even Remy than like Dad."

Linda raised one eyebrow so high that it reached over the rim of her glasses. "You have a twin?"

"Michael? Archangel? Sword of God, very annoying. Yes, I just don't mention him."

Linda blinked again. "You know, one day, I hope you'll understand how therapy actually works, Lucifer. You're getting somewhat better about not hearing my advice the way you wish it were and actually listening to it."

"See, and that only took the better part of a decade. You're really quite good."

"And we should address your continued need to withhold family information from me. The fact that I'm family should actually make that something you're less likely to do."

Lucifer shrugged and leaned against her sink. "Michael is rather unpleasant, and, no matter what Amenadiel says about not having been able to tell us apart before the whole Fall thing, far less attractive."

"Identical!"

"I doubt you need a family tree rundown. Mum and Dad were once in love and they made hundreds of angels. Honestly, after so much time away from the Silver City, even I don't remember all their names."

Linda cursed under her breath. "Unreal. But it's nice to hear that you think Amenadiel's safe."

"As houses," Lucifer continued. "While it's frowned upon to fraternize with humans, and, well, some of my siblings don't hold the highest opinions of you all. Their loss, I promise, but it's not strictly verboten. He isn't ever going to be punished for you or for making Charlie. So, whenever the archangel powwow is over, he'll come home. No worries."

Linda set her mug down and stalked back to her window and pointed to the tallest tree in the yard. "My son has still used his wings-the ones that of course would sprout while his father is unreachable-to get to the highest branch he could of our oak." 

"Really, maybe not planting deciduous trees in California was your mistake…"

"Lucifer, focus," she said, her tone fraying. "Look, I don't have a hundred-foot ladder, and I definitely don't have wings. You're the only angel-"

"Not an angel."

"Yes, I'm sorry. You're the big, bad scary devil."

He stood up straighter at that. Not that it would matter much, Linda was incredibly tiny. "Exactly."

"But," she continued. "You also sometimes have a pair of nice fluffy white feathery wings not completely unlike Charlie's now. So, you can get my son down from the tree!"

"I'm not the bloody fire department. Besides, I'm not a fan of the wings. I don't use them unless I have to. Have you even tried calling 911?"

Linda pinched the bridge of her nose and took in a few deep breaths. He'd seen her do that in some of their more taxing therapy sessions before she usually ended up losing it anyway. "What would I say, Lucifer? That my son _flew_ up a tree? They'd send the men with the butterfly nets for me."

"Well, is he happy up there? Maybe he can just camp out till Amenadiel's home. Kids like the outdoors or so I've been told."

Linda glared at him again and, no, he was the Lord of Hell and most distinctly not scared of the five foot if that human who was gazing bloody murder at him now. It didn't matter that she had hell's greatest torturer on speed dial or heaven's strongest warrior wrapped around her little finger. Linda wasn't that imposing.

At all.

Really.

"You get up there _now_, or I swear I'll make you regret it. I told you there's a reason I think I'm going to hell one day, and if you have me plotting against you, you'll find out why faster. Now, go."

Lucifer grumbled and slipped off his jacket. He set it down over the back of one of Linda's chairs. The last thing he needed was to get pollen and leaves and Dad knew what over this season's Prada. He followed Linda out to her deck and let his wings out. Again, it was fortunate the yard had such a high fence, not that he cared much about humans having proof of (used to be) divinity or not. However, it was difficult to deal with the meltdown that usually accompanied any normal human spying his wings. Linda didn't react, wouldn't have after all these years. She'd been pretty non-plussed by anything divine (or infernal for that matter) since she'd given birth to Charlie.

Maybe like a divinity booster shot.

"Don't ask me to do this again."

"Trust me, if I wanted to send someone for a pep talk, I'd send Amenadiel first."

"But of course you would. My brother is a walking platitude."

Linda rolled her eyes. "Just go help your nephew. That's what a godfather is for, isn't it?"

"Yes, let's make Satan the godfather, that makes logical sense," Lucifer said, although his heart wasn't completely in the complaints.

He still thought it was an odd choice because there was nothing he was going to add to Charlie's religious upbringing, not that he really had one. However, if the aim was to make sure Charlie would always be protected, that he could not begrudge the good doctor. It was clearly why Maze was not just the auntie but the official godmother as well. And wasn't that just something for a demon.

Nodding at Linda, he let a slight glamour spread over him. Only she and Charlie would see him at all, and then took to the sky to find his wayward nephew. It didn't take many flaps, which was so undignified really, he preferred when he did use the feathered menaces to get enough altitude to ride the thermals and actually soar, before he spied his nephew sitting near the top of Linda's oak. The branch was thick enough that Lucifer figured it could bear both their weights. To be fair, even if it didn't, he'd just carry Charlie down with him. Settling down on the branch and thankful it seemed to be holding them both, Lucifer reached over and touched his nephew's shoulder. Charlie stayed wide-eyed and still, and it gave Lucifer enough time to will a bit of glamour over his nephew as well so that prying, human eyes wouldn't be confused by the sight of the winged devil and the tiny Nephilim sitting side by side.

"Now," he cooed, his voice low and calm, like he'd first learned to speak to Trixie after nightmares she had when she was still in middle school. "How are you Charlie?"

His nephew's mouth was wide open, and he blinked wide, dark eyes back at him. Lucifer half wanted to be anywhere else because he was terrible with children, even if he tolerated Charlie and Trixie well enough. He was not good at keeping them happy or making them feel less upset. He was better than he had been once, but he still defaulted at least half the time to solving Trixie's problems by giving her a monetary bribe (cake had stopped working by freshman year as if Chloe Decker's daughter ever had to worry about her figure). He also half wanted to yell at both his idiot brother and not-an-idiot-at-all psychiatrist and give them both an "I told you so."

For while Mazikeen never made a secret of her history as a demon and her current life as a bounty hunter, and Lucifer never pretended around his nephew that he wasn't the devil, the same could not be said of the Silver City's greatest warrior. Linda and Amenadiel had decided to keep everything completely, blandly normal around Charlie, who hadn't yet displayed any powers at all. In fact, until Linda's panicked call an hour ago, Lucifer had started to believe that Charlie was fully mortal and Remiel's spider sense for Celestials had been a false alarm.

The divine wings, a gorgeous pair to be fair that were midnight black like his father's, were a dead giveaway Charlie was anything but boringly normal.

But he'd been raised thinking his godparents were eccentric and/or liars, and now he had no idea what was happening to him. Maybe Linda was a genius with adults and their feelings, but she and Amenadiel were still both on a huge learning curves when it came to children, let alone the first and only-definitely only should he have anything to say about it as the Devil did not want kids of his own-Celestial child.

"Uncle Lucifer?" Charlie's voice wobbled.

Then, he reached out and grazed a small and hopefully _not_ sticky hand over Lucifer's right wing. It had been a while since he'd let anyone touch them; they made him less self-conscious than the bloody bat ones, but they still would never quite feel like him either. He didn't bring them out around Chloe, so it had been a while since they'd felt any touch at all. Unbidden, his wing shivered at the way Charlie's hand tickled.

"Why yes, scamp. How can I be of service this afternoon?" He winked at his nephew who, truth be told, he didn't hate but he was still waiting about ten more years till at least Charlie could drive and be a bit more interesting. He wasn't necessarily fond of learning a million Pokemon facts whenever he saw the little one. "Your mum said you'd had a bad day."

Charlie sniffled. "I wanted to go to Joey's party."

"Alright?"

"He's having a sleepover and video games and all these things like a big kid next weekend and Mom said no and I got mad and then…" Charlie trailed off and started to cry. "Things are weird!"

Lucifer was seriously going to kill Amenadiel for leaving something this delicate to him. It was beyond his paygrade. Parental he was not. Still, he had to do his best to at least get his nephew down and wings back on their own plane, tucked away as they should be. So, quietly, he took a deep breath and patted Charlie's shoulder again.

"They're quite fetching, the wings."

"You have them too."

"Of course, I bloody well do." Charlie was American, at least Lucifer could swear that much around him. Not that he'd be much bothered the other way around with cursing…if Linda weren't so demanding. And see demanding, not scary. Lucifer preened a bit, spreading his great white wings to the sides. "They're rather lovely too, even if I find them inconvenient at times. Your father's are nice. Same color as yours." Lucifer smirked. "None of the angels have wings as good as mine, but you know where pride gets you so I'll only brag a little."

Charlie's lip wobbled again. "Angels aren't real, Uncle Lucifer."

"They very much are. Your father is one, an archangel in point of fact. So are all of his and my siblings. You're half, but now we know enough to be feathered, congrats on that."

Charlie frowned, trying to work through everything or so it seemed. "You are too."

Lucifer pulled his wings tighter against his back. "I am the Devil, scamp, just like I told you. Was an angel, didn't stick. Auntie Maze and I are exactly as we always told you."

Charlie frowned. "I thought you were just playing pretend."

"Now you know differently." Lucifer forced himself to smile and squeezed his nephew's shoulder. "As Mazikeen would say, 'we're awesome.' As I would say, we're far better than average mortals, although your mother makes up for being merely human. Strong woman, she is."

"I have wings."

"Yes, we confirmed that, do try and keep up, child."

"Angels are real."

"Yes, are you on a loop?" Lucifer asked, waving one hand in front of Charlie's face. "You haven't blown a gasket there, have you, scamp?"

"No, I just…angels aren't real."

Lucifer flapped a few times but stayed on the branch. It stirred the leaves beside both of them. "They are as are Fallen Ones in the case of yours truly. Your father had to go up to heaven for a bit on business or else, I swear, he'd be here instead of your old uncle to get you through any fledgling problems."

"A what?"

"Like a baby bird."

"I'm not a bird."

"Your wings are mostly still downy. Like I said, very lovely, not going to get you very far. Good thing you landed where you did, child."

Charlie swallowed hard even if he seemed a bit more with it by now. "I can't get down!"

"Well, that's not too hard. If you promise to let me get you down and go back in the house with your mum, I'll be happy to help you. I've been flying since before the Earth was even created."

Charlie's eyes were huge. "No way!"

"Oh, it's true, and I never lie. Now you know that I don't. Devil's honor and all that." Lucifer opened his arms wide and let his nephew-wings and all-nestle into his arms. "I've got you, but wrap your arms around my neck if you feel scared."

Taking a deep breath he flapped hard and got them both off the branch, coming down for a landing that could have been more graceful. He might have, just a little, stumbled to one knee after setting Charlie down. Sue him. He didn't fly with passengers unless he needed to get Chloe out of a tight situation on the job, and he'd tried not to have that happen often since Cain's ambush. Maybe a handful of times with her as his passenger since that very loft.

Linda was too happy to have Charlie running into her arms than to give him a critique on his form. Lucifer, oddly, was grateful for that.

"Kiddo, you scared me."

Charlie was talking a mile a minute and that had to be from the good doctor. Pontificating only came in long, slow and overly didactic. "Mom! I didn't mean it and I have wings and Lucifer says I'm an angel and he's like really really the devil and Dad has wings too and they're like mine and he's in heaven right now but he's not dead cause we're angels and I didn't mean to fly away and-"

Lucifer sidled up to both of them and knelt before Charlie. "Take a breath there, scamp. Angels do need to breathe, once in a while. Nephilim too."

"Nephil-what?"

Linda sighed and leaned over. She didn't need to kneel to get close to Charlie's height, after all. "Nephilim. It's an old word for someone who's half angel and half human. Like you." She reached up and brushed his unruly hair back from his forehead. "Kiddo, I'm sorry. Your dad and I should have told you a lot of things sooner."

Lucifer wanted to add his two cents there, to grumble that they bloody well should have, but he had the presence of mind to keep his mouth shut just this once. Charlie was probably already scared enough as it was without his mum and uncle having a row.

Charlie had tears down trailing down his cheek. "I don't know how to make my wings go away."

Lucifer nodded and looked to Linda. "Technically, they're glamoured. We're the only people who can see them, in case I can't help him get them back in. However," he said, addressing Charlie. "I need you to close your eyes and listen to your Uncle Lucifer, okay?"

Charlie hiccupped. "But I don't know how!"

Ah, stubbornness. Now that was like his father…and to be fair their whole family.

"But I do," Lucifer replied. Well usually. The bat wings had been tricky in the beginning, but the feathered ones were never a problem. "Now, close them and take deep breaths."

His nephew did as he was told.

"Now, I need you to think really hard. Do you ever help your Mum with laundry? Or maybe making up your bed?"

"Lucifer?" Linda started.

He held up a hand. "Wait a mo. Now, do you, scamp?"

Charlie nodded but kept his eyes closed tight. "Yeah. I help sometimes with the laundry. Daddy makes me for my chores."

"Great, then you can fold things?"

"Uh-huh."

"Perfect, now just think hard about your wings. You're going to do the same thing. Think about it like folding them away and putting them in a drawer."

"They're made of feathers! They don't fold, silly."

"Not the same way, no, but you think hard enough and they fold back where they're supposed to go. Away until you need them again."

"Will it hurt?" he asked. "Do they slurp into my body?"

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Your father and I will be having so very many words, child. Don't be bloody ridiculous. They fold to another plane of existence. You can use them to travel to heaven when you're old enough and with your father, of course. The wings aren't really a part of the world the way the rest of you are. I know it's complicated but you just think about folding them away in their very own drawer in your head, and away they go."

Charlie nodded and scrunched up his head so hard that Lucifer was almost worried the kid would give himself an aneurysm. Then, slowly, his wings flickered, changing between being present and not and, eventually, winked out of existence on the earthly plane. When Lucifer was satisfied, he easily slid his own away and clapped.

"Very good, Charlie."

His nephew opened his eyes and reached behind his shoulder and visibly relaxed when he found no dark wings waiting for him. "I did it!"

Then, Lucifer stiffened as his nephew wrapped forty-five pounds of eager Nephilim around his neck. "There there and all that," Lucifer said, patting his nephew's back awkwardly. "I promised I could help."

Charlie leaned back and was smiling broadly up at him. "Thank you!" Then, his nephew's expression darkened, his brow furrowed again in concentration. He looked so very much like Amenadiel then. "Wait, can you go?"

"Go where?"

Charlie pulled away and took his mother's hand. "To heaven? If I ever visit with dad, do you go too? You have wings?"

Lucifer sighed as a familiar, cold feeling lanced through his chest. He had no use for the Silver City, for any of the host really outside of Amenadiel and sometimes Azrael, but sometimes, even now, he couldn't lie to himself well enough to pretend it didn't hurt that he'd could never go back, that he'd forever be their black sheep and permanent scapegoat. "No, Charlie. That's the one place the devil can never go."

"Why not?"

"Because your grandfather is an utter pillock. Now, why don't you go get settled for a nap with your mum? You've my word I won't leave here until your father is back."

Charlie nodded but hesitated before heading into the house. "I wish you could visit though, when I get to go. I want to go with both you and Dad."

Lucifer nodded and some of that chill began to thaw around his chest, just a little. "I'd have liked that very much, scamp. You've no idea how much."

Linda was kind enough to hand him her handle of the good stuff. "As your therapist, I'm bound to say you shouldn't drink after a tough day. As your sister-in-law, I both know you could drink arsenic laced whatever and not feel it and that you've earned it."

"MacLaren, I knew you had it in you, Doc." He smiled back at her and poured himself a generous kip of it. Then drained half the cup in a go. "He's alright?"

"We talked a while. He's six, and it's hard for even me today to keep wrapping my head around everything. He cried a little, ask a billion questions about heaven that I can answer too much about since Amenadiel and I don't talk much about the Silver City…I think it makes him homesick sometimes."

"But if Charlie asks you about Hell, at least you'll know what I did with Hitler."

Linda blanched. "Maybe we won't tell him those stories just yet."

"Well, it was Hitler, he did deserve it."

Linda shook her head. "You and Maze still have to…you've never exactly kept quiet on any of this, but it would be best if you didn't tell your most gruesome stories now that Charlie knows-knows. I'll have a long talk with Maze. It's been hard enough with her to not start training him to hunt."

Lucifer laughed. "That's Mazikeen for you. She's not going to bodyguard for someone who can't also defend themselves in a pinch."

Linda poured her own shot and drained it. "Is it wrong I was hoping he'd be human completely? That's awfully selfish of me, isn't it? I knew what Amenadiel said Remiel had determined. I figured things had to happen eventually, but then each year passed, and he was so normal and he has enough challenges ahead of him in his life. I wanted him to be like everyone else in a few ways, you know?"

Lucifer nodded and drained his mug. "And yet, it was probably inevitable. My sister is less than charming but she's the best hunter in the Silver City. If she senses something divine or infernal, then it's so." Reaching out, he grasped Linda's hand.

Maybe it was an artifact of how they'd started their relationship, but they weren't physically affectionate with each other, even after all this time. Somehow, it brought flashes of his mind to their earliest sessions, to clown masks and other unmentionable things, and they were past that. Still, Linda had had a harder day than any of them, and she needed the reassurance.

"If I may say so, Linda, you'll do fine with him. No matter what, Charlie has the best warrior in the heaven, the fiercest demon in hell, and the Devil watching over him. Only an utter fool would touch him and, since Dromos, that idiot, no one ever has. Besides, you did a marvelous job helping yours truly and Mazikeen-of all people-understand human emotion. I'm sure you can lead your own son through any ups and downs." He shrugged and poured himself more MacLaren. "Besides, he's a boy. I've heard they have less snits than girls when they get older. I do hope for your sake that's true. Trixie's gone through some hard phases."

The less said about her time off the wagon, frankly, the better.

Linda nodded. "I just want thing to be easy for him."

Lucifer laughed long and hard, although he knew there had to be a bitter note to it. "He's my Father's only grandchild. Even if he had been utterly mortal, that was never going to be an easy fate. For that I apologize. However, he has quite a collection of angels, demons, and other," he gestured to himself. "…looking out for him. It'll be okay."

"Maybe you were right, and I shouldn't have hidden any of it."

"Or perhaps it was best he wasn't getting dirty works and CPS calls in kindergarten. He's not quite old enough to reliably keep family secrets mum, but he'll do better now than even a year or two ago. Don't beat yourself up." Lucifer stood and stretched. "If you give me a few minutes, I'll sneak back to Lux and grab something for overnight and tomorrow. I made a promise, and you know how I feel about those. Until Amenadiel is back, I'll be taking one of the guest rooms. Just in case your son flies the coop again."

"It'll take an hour this time of day in the traffic to get back to Lux, longer to get to Chloe's and oh."

Lucifer shrugged and unfurled his wings. They were annoying but also lovely, and he couldn't help but stand straighter when Linda regarded them with wonder. "I don't intend to drive, too bloody slow that."

She nodded and then sighed. "Charlie's right, you know."

"About what? If this is a Pokemon story again, I swear…"

"No, I mean about the Silver City. If he's ever allowed to go…not like I have any idea how it works…I'd have loved for him to have gone with you too."

Lucifer forced himself to swallow even if it felt like his throat was covered with ash. To be fair, it was not an unfamiliar feeling, quite literally. "When that time comes, I'm sure he'll enjoy it with the real angels quite nicely."

"Really?" 

"Well, they've no reason to despise him. I'm just the one who's ever so lucky," he said, all the while knowing Linda was bright enough to realize some of his siblings were unlikely to be kind-despite their so-called angelic natures-to a half-human child. But that would come when it did, and best not to borrow trouble waiting for it. "Now, I'll be back in a bit, dear Doctor. Do you need me to grab you anything?"

"Nah, I'm good, got my guardian devil and my son. What was it you said? Safe as houses?"

"Until Amenadiel is back, and you're saddled again with the less appealing brother, but your loss, Linda." He winked at her and was gone, maybe as annoyed by his wings as much as usual.

**On the Job **

After a decade working by Chloe's side, Lucifer supposed he should have gotten used to the also being vulnerable part of the job. Granted, if he consulted with any other partner but his wife, he wouldn't have the mortality problem in the first place. But what would be the bloody point? If some flesh wounds here or there kept Chloe safer on the job, then he was more than willing to do it. Still, somehow, whenever a bullet hit his arm or a mere human blade pierced his shoulder, Lucifer felt that flash of both irritation and disbelief. Even now.

Of course, what was ten years in the face of billions where nothing short of another archangel, demon or demigod could touch him. Or a blade like Azrael's. It sometimes in the thrill of a hunt or fight snuck up on him that he would be wounded at least until he could get away from Chloe-and of course only when she was safe-to heal properly.

The stakeout at the warehouse wasn't anything he and she hadn't done a million times, it was nothing atypical. In this case, it was just gathering low level intel on what they suspected had been a mob hit by the docks but were still lacking proof on. However, when their undercover informant had screamed and gone silent on the other end, Lucifer and Chloe both rushed from the car to figure out what they could do to save him.

Chloe found Marco first, and the poor sod was bleeding out from a shot that had missed his gut but seemed to embed itself in his hip. He wasn't dead yet but without the scene cleared and the EMTs able to proceed, their informant and their link to any murderous misdeeds of the Giancarlo crime syndicate would be gone. Of course, that was a secondary problem. Even as the detective knelt over the informant's body and held her jacket to his wounds. Shots echoed from across the warehouse.

She yanked out her radio and nodded toward Lucifer. "See if you can detain whoever shot him. I have to get the medics here or we'll lose him."

Lucifer didn't have to be told twice and, honestly, he rarely got to go on the hunt. Most scenes they came upon were well enough controlled. Of the two of them, Maze with her career as a bounty hunter, was more likely to sneak up on cowering prey and scare them senseless. Jumping to his feet, he stalked off to the follow the sounds of not only gunshots but frantic breathing and a pounding heart. He raced across the expanse of the warehouse. Lucifer ran at a speed that only a Celestial could and came face to face with two men up on a catwalk above the concrete floor. One was bleeding from the hand, probably injured by Marco's own shots. The other was reloading his handgun and eying Chloe hungrily.

That would not do.

Lucifer lunged across the expanse of wrought iron grating separating them and twisted the man's hand till it shattered in his grip. Then, he held the would-be shooter in one hand, his fingers gripped tightly around the thug's throat. It was gratifying to see him shudder, to feel him shake under his ministrations. The other mobster stood and tried to lunge for Lucifer, but a quick jab behind with his other hand, left the second mobster with a broken, gushing nose.

When he spoke, his voice was a low yet booming growl, the same intonation-the same power in it-that he'd wielded when he'd ordered a room full of the possessed back to Hell. The same one he'd used over and over that dark time he'd been away to keep control over the demons, to compel them to _obey_.

"Now," he roared, and the man clenched in his fist stank of urine. It merely encouraged Lucifer further. "You aren't going to touch the detective or Marco. You won't do anything to them, and frankly, you're going to tell the officers down in the station _everything_ you know about the family you work for. Is that understood?"

At first, he was met with purpling skin and bugged out eyes until he loosened his hand. The mobster gasped and practically screamed. "Anything you want. _Anything!_"

Lucifer nodded even as he kicked the man's dropped 9mil out of the way and listened to it clatter to the ground below with a satisfying crash. His voice was still rumbling menace when he spoke. "Good, very good. You do everything I say at the precinct, and you don't have to worry about what I'll do to you until after you're dead. I'm sure you're one of mine."

With that, he spread his wings-Lucifer damn knew which kind when he was worked up like this-and landed on the concrete below. He dropped the mobster to the ground and just barely kept himself from kicking the man's ribs for good measure. Turning to Chloe, he forced his wings away with a bit of difficulty and took in great gulps of air. Trying to rein everything in.

The hunt was over but the devil in him wasn't completely satisfied.

He could have crunched more at least, but that wasn't what Chloe would have wanted.

She frowned at him, and he noticed the slight uptick in her heartbeat. It had been a while since he'd let that much of his infernal side out. "The other guy?"

"He's got a bloodied nose, won't be hard for the back up to take him but he won't be climbing down to us any time soon either. The ambulance?"

"ETA for back up and EMT in about ten minutes."

Lucifer straightened his lapels. "Brilliant, then we should have this case wrapped up in no time and are you fucking kidding me?" He roared again and turned back to the mobster who'd taken a switch blade out and shoved it deep in Lucifer's back somewhere above…no wait, his vision was fogging over too fast for it to be anything but a kidney.

He stumbled but eyed the man, letting his eyes flare a brightly as they could. "I told you that you were mine after you died, and you've no idea the loop I'll make for you. Now!" He shouted, voice resonating throughout the warehouse even as his vision swam. "You will comply with Detective Decker and all of her questioning and you will not harm her or I won't wait till you expire of natural causes. Is that understood?"

The mobster nodded and this time the stench of urine was so severe that Lucifer assumed even Chloe would understand what had happened. The mobster was curled up in a bawl now, crying to himself the way Jimmy Barnes had a decade ago.

Lucifer really should have gone for that to begin with, and he definitely should have remembered to add himself to the list of people to comply with in his orders. That had been a painful oversight. Stumbling toward the detective, he fell to his knees. Her arms were around him then, and he moaned, reaching back to touch his right lower back.

It came back slicked with blood.

Definitely a kidney stab. Perfect.

"I…sorry about that. Stupid mortality," he muttered before passing out.

When Lucifer woke, he was in his own bed and still felt like utter, well, Hell. Below by his bar, Chloe and Linda were arguing, clearly not aware he'd awakened.

"I'm not that kind of doctor, Chloe. I am glad you both keep a well-stocked first aid kit, and I'm also happy you were willing this time to give us two days to work with him once Amenadiel got him here. Next time, you really should just let the hospital take him. He's been in the back of an ambulance before and not been deeply blood paneled or tested. It should be okay."

"You're willing to risk Charlie or Amenadiel on that too?" Chloe pointed out. 

Linda stilled. "I'm willing to bet in a qualified surgeon to deal with kidney damage until his healing kicks in. This was an especially close one, Chloe. I know he can just pop back up from Hell if it got really bad, but I'd rather we all skip that step. I am a psychiatrist, not a surgeon. Try and remember that!"

"Ladies," Lucifer said, coughing a little. He did have to remember about not getting stabbed if he could help it. It wasn't exactly a bloody picnic for him. "I'm awake and I don't need molly coddling."

Linda put her hands on her hips. "You need a sitter. I'm serious. I was in med school over thirty years ago. I am not the first person you want to call when your kidney is leaking out of your back."

"Surely it wasn't…"

"It was that bad, Lucifer. Now, I need to have my own week off and therapy because I almost lost my patient," she said, grabbing up her coat. "I'm serious. You be more careful, and Chloe, you call actual surgeons next time."

For her part the detective actually looked contrite, a rare occurrence. "I'll keep that in mind. Linda, thank you. I owe you."

"Oh, you do. You're Charlie-sitting for two weeks while Amenadiel and I go somewhere tropical." She sighed and the fight leaked out of her a bit. "This is the closest I've come to losing Lucifer since he got too friendly with a defibrillator, and I really do not want to do that again, okay?"

Lucifer sat up and groaned, rubbing at his back as he did so. "Makes two of us, darling. I'll be on my best behavior and you're upcoming holiday is on me."

Linda smirked. "Of course it is, and the room service bill is going to be tremendous, Lucifer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I haven't seen my little angel in two days. Chloe, Lucifer, try to stay alive till at least Monday."

With that, the good doctor hopped onto the elevator, heading for home.

Lucifer stood, feeling a bit frazzled but any dizziness or blurred vision was far behind him. Walking slowly to his closet, he grabbed his robe and slid it on over his boxers. He was peckish but in no mood to make himself food. In fact, he still felt a bit weak and Linda must not have been kidding about this last time having been a close call. Shakily, he made it down the stairs and to his piano stool. Then, he collapsed, leaning on the keys to help keep him upright.

"Okay, so not right as rain, apparently."

His wife sighed and slid down next to him. Carefully, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his forehead. "It was scary."

"If you admit it, then it must have been. Perhaps I owe Linda and Amenadiel Charlie's first year of college if she salvaged the devil's kidney."

Chloe leaned back and punched him on the shoulder. He rolled with the movement or else it would break her hand. "It's not funny!"

"Maybe a little. There are complete, stark raving mad cultists who would have paid millions for it. It won't do anything, but the idiots on the black market don't know that."

She sighed and leaned against him. Lucifer had enough strength to play with strands of her golden hair. It was soft as ever between his fingers. "You really need to pay more attention to you at crime scenes."

"I don't matter as much. As long as you're safe, detective, mission accomplished. Besides, it's a hassle, but I would just pop" he exaggerated the "p" on the end of the word. "back up from Hell anyway. You don't get second chances, miracle status or not."

"And it's not fun for any of us, least of all me to watch you almost die even if it's a technicality. You really scared me this time." Bright blue eyes regarded him, and he turned away from her gaze first. "Promise me you'll be more careful."

He threaded his fingers through hers. "I promise."

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "You, uh, seemed pretty caught up in the moment. Just, well, next time you order someone like that, make sure you add a 'don't stab or shoot me either' clause."

And there it was, that not-quite-elephant between them.

He knew that Chloe was fine with the Devil side of things. They'd come far from her running away to Europe or that Father Kinley betrayal, even from learning trust again after he'd been able to get out of Hell long-term. He had no doubt she meant what she said, and while he'd never been ashamed of what he had to do to keep order below or to rule the demons with an iron fist so they never threatened Earth again, the infernal side of himself did bother him when he was here. With her. He downplayed the worst of it where he could but when he was on the hunt or trouble loomed like that.

Well, he was bloodthirsty by nature.

He just didn't love it when she saw that, when that roar came out and everything that had scared her once.

Sometimes, it annoyed him when he went there himself, that most of what he needed to do to detain subjects could be done with minimal effort, probably just relying on what Amenadiel could have done too. But it wasn't as fun, and that bothered him when the moments of clarity after hit. That the hunt was as fun as it was, especially if he left them half crazed and crying.

He was still the Devil after all, and he'd probably always live for those moments, deep down, even if he hoped Chloe never realized that for herself.

Lucifer nodded and kissed her again, a long, lingering kiss that promised her more when he was feeling better. He owed her quite the weekend too. "Right then, I promise that I'll make sure to put in orders about my own self-preservation. I admit, detective, it still comes as far from second nature to me. Until my vacation, frankly before I met you, I wasn't used to anyone but Mazikeen giving a toss about me."

Chloe draped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed him tight. "Well, Lucifer, I do, and if you actually do lose a kidney next time, I'll be pissed. You think the Devil gets mad? Wait till you see his wife furious. You won't like it."

"Duly noted," he replied, winking at her. Lucifer stood them, still a bit wobbly on his legs and nodded to the bed. "I'm not up to snuff quite yet, but I think I'd rest better if you laid down with me. I'm not exactly knackered, but I could just use…"

"Some peace of mind?"

"Exactly, darling," he said, glad that she followed his lead and headed with him to his bedroom.

Soon enough, they'd have more than enough fun to get up to, enough to bury that elephant-that-wasn't-quite for a while longer.

+1 **Step-Devil**

"She hasn't come out of her room in a week. I mean, yeah, she comes to dinner, but she says about two words. Dan says he can't get anything out of her either." Chloe sighed. "I'm not asking you to talk to her like an interrogation."

"I gathered that," Lucifer said, setting down his phone. He'd go back to naught words with friends with Maze later. "If the two of you couldn't drill it out of her, then it's something quite different."

"That and the resilience to your mojo is apparently genetic. I guess that makes Trixie half-miracle."

"Wouldn't mojo the urchin if I could."

Chloe rolled her eyes. "Yes, you get to be the cool friend and not the actually going bonkers parent. Still, I just need to see if she'll talk to you more than she would me and Dan. She's still going to class and seems to be doing her homework. I tried even talking to her friend Sandy the other day when I picked her up from softball practice. I dunno, even her friend seemed skittish. I swear, if it's pot again…"

He decided it was best not to get into the argument it wasn't a gateway drug for worse, but that wouldn't go over either with an irate mother or a hard-bitten detective. Lucifer stood and straightened his cuffs. "I'm sure it's not. As far as I've heard…hell, as far as even Mazikeen has heard, she isn't even talking to Derek anymore. They were hot and heavy-"

"Lucifer," Chloe said, her tone warning.

As far as he could tell, Trixie hadn't done anything that untoward or, well, like he would. He had a sixth sense about sex the same way he did about lies. Still, she'd nattered incessantly the last few weeks every time there was so much as a text from the lad. Now, crickets. He didn't need working mojo to suss out that Derek was connected to Trixie's latest woes. Lucifer could work from that angle, if Trixie let him.

"I'm sure your daughter is still as pure as the driven snow." He smirked and let his eyes flash red. "Besides, any idiot dumb enough to even think of defiling her would have words with me. I can arrange a whole wing of Hell for that."

Chloe paused as if she were actually considering that option. "No, that would not be right."

"It wouldn't be, but it would be fun."

"Lucifer, don't tempt me."

He lowered his voice to a purr. "That's what I live for, darling. In fact, there are many things I can think to tempt you with."

Chloe swatted at his arms with the dish towel. "Later, Casanova. I just need you to focus on Trixie first. She's going off to Cal Tech in the fall, and if she's this despondent then…well, it'll scare the crap out of me to let her go."

Lucifer nodded. "As you wish."

It didn't take long in the modest apartment to make his way up the stairs and to Trixie's room. She insisted on having space away from the kitchen as she'd grown older. He took the steps two at a time with his long legs and came to rest outside of Trixie's door. It was decorated with a small, glittery "Keep Out" sign she'd made when she was thirteen, a poster from her favorite-and still painfully stupid-teen vampire drama, and stubs from tickets to various bands she'd seen in concert. The newest one was for _The Stones_, she'd humored him by going with him.

Then asked pointedly if they'd struck a favor with him to never die.

Lucifer had admitted for the getting ahead in the industry he'd helped, this time free of charge, but the possible immortality wasn't his doing. Maybe they'd conned a demigod somewhere along the way. Then, he'd spent the night explaining the assorted craziness of various pantheons to her.

He'd miss the little miscreant when she was out from under his roof.

"Hello, urchin, your mother wants me to speak with you. Would you be ever so kind as to let me in or is this the moment I remind you that I can will the lock open anyway and let's spare us all the trouble, yeah?"

"Moms sent you? I'm not like twelve anymore."

"Well, spawn, would you like to offload about your parents on me? I'm more than happy to lend a willing ear."

There was a rustling from the bed and a few hard stomps behind the door before Trixie opened it. Lucifer always expected to see the little girl he'd met at the elementary school behind the door. It was that weird vertigo that came with hanging out not just with mortals but with growing mortal (mostly) children. Trixie was no longer that little girl. She was almost as tall as her father with the lithe build of her mother and the same high cheek bones and heart-shaped face. Naturally, her complexion was darker and her eyes a warm brown that, once in a great while when they were out, had people assuming that she was his.

An honor that if he'd ever been interested in having a child-and nope, not interested even now, not of his own lineage-he'd have been flattered to here.

Maybe he was anyway.

The scowl was newer, came and went with the teenager in a snit territory, but he hadn't seen it on her face since she'd gone through rehab. He hadn't missed it.

"Fine, but you can't tell Mom what I say." She glared at him and held her chin up high. "I want your word, Lucifer Morningstar, or I will just go sulk on my bed and you can watch."

"Bloody hell. You know that I can't…"

"Your word or we just stare at each other all night. I don't care either way, but I know it'll drive you bonkers to be bored that long."

"I'm not a child with ADD."

Trixie smirked and that was Daniel's expression on her face and equally annoying to see. "So you say. Now, your choice, Luci. Your word this is between us or we can stare all night."

He crossed his arms over his chest, mimicking her posture. "I've got a stare that drives people mad. You want to play that game, Trixie?"

"True, but I can sit quietly for more than five minutes. Seriously, you promise right?"

He sighed and glanced down the stairs. This wasn't exactly what Chloe had in mind, but he might be able to ferret out Trixie's problem on his own and solve it alongside Mazikeen. She'd be more than willing to help decimate whatever was bothering the girl. It wasn't an ideal solution, but it was a sight better than being stonewalled.

Lucifer held his hand out and waited for her to take it. "You've my word, Trixie Espinoza. I won't repeat a word of what you tell me to either Daniel or your mother. However, I have a condition of my own."

"I'm listening," she said, as she considered his hand.

"Whatever you tell me, if I deem it needs my personal touch, you let me intervene in whatever manner I see fit as long as neither of your parents find out. Is that an adequate deal. I assure you, spawn, few humans get an offer this good and with so little strings from Satan. I'm cutting you quite the deal."

Trixie bit her lower lip and hesitated so long that he was afraid she wouldn't agree. Finally, she took his hand-and when had hers gotten so big, well, relatively speaking-and shook it. "Deal."

Lucifer smirked as he entered her room and sat down at her desk. "Your mother should teach you things about making deals with the Devil."

"Has mom ever made a deal with you?"

"No, she's never asked for anything of that nature." He leaned back but let his long legs splay out and hang against the edge of her queen bed, the red soles of his shoes clashing with the bright lavender of her constellation duvet. "Your mother's too much of a by-the-book woman for that. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd let her if she did."

Trixie nodded and slumped down against her headboard after shutting her door. "But me, you'll let deal?"

"That's the Daniel in you, I suppose. I definitely would see him being the type to deal if it weren't literally with me and we'd a history. Besides, it suits my purposes. Now," he continued, drumming his fingers against the desk's surface. "What did Derek do?" 

"Why do you think this has anything to do with him?" Trixie was a decent liar, but teenaged girls, he was learning, were rarely coy and controlled about their latest beaus.

"Because I've an excellent nose for when someone's lying or trying to put up a front. It goes with being the devil incarnate. So, how many bones do I have to break and which ones do you prefer?"

Trixie frowned. "It's not…it's not like that."

"Isn't it?" He tilted his head towards her. "Come, dear, I know he did something. Let us hear it."

Trixie's head lolled back against the headboard and for a while she didn't answer. Despite what she'd accused him of, the devil could wait. So he did, giving her close to ten minutes before she collected herself enough to speak again. "You promised Mom and Dad don't hear about this ever, right?"

"I have never once broken my word to a human, not in six millennia, and you know that I don't lie. It's between us, urchin." He sat up in the chair and wheeled it close enough to the bed to pat Trixie on her knees. "What happened?"

"I took photos."

Under normal circumstances, Lucifer would have broken many things upon hearing this, starting with the chair he was sitting in. Not because he was mad with Trixie. He was, again, hardly one to throw stones, and she was hating and dating well into the digital age. However, he could gather where this was all going, and wanted to tear Derek limb from limb. But he'd learned some semblance of restraint over the years so he kept still and coaxed her to continue with his voice low and kind.

"Alright, lamb, and what did he do with them?"

"He hasn't yet. I caught him cheating a few weeks ago with Mandy behind the bleachers. We fought and broke up, and then he sent me this text a week ago. He said that if I didn't do his term papers and all his math and science homework for him from now till graduation, he'd send them to everyone in school." She swallowed hard and tears started streaming down her face. "I have to, don't I? He has a lot of them and they're pretty embarrassing" She hiccupped a little and swiped at her eyes. "If Dad finds out? He'll _kill_ me, Lucifer. I'll be dead, and it won't even matter. I mean, that's not even the worst part. What if he's serious? He could put it up them up publicly too not just send to friends. I'd lose Cal Tech too."

He took his hand from her knee and balled both hands into fists at his side. The way he was feeling right now, the kind of rage he had aimed to Derek, he didn't trust his own strength. Last thing he wanted to do was grab too tightly and hurt Trixie's knee on accident.

But, despite his deep breath, he couldn't keep his vision from creeping into red or the low rumble from working its way through his chest.

"I don't need you to do this for me. Mazikeen can track any human in a few days. Someone like this git, and we'll have him in hours anyway. But please do speed the process along and tell me where I can find this Derek of yours."

Trixie stared at him, and she didn't flinch. Didn't look away. Part of him knew the way she'd grown up probably wasn't healthy for humans. A demon had taken her trick or treating at eight wearing a face that sent most sinners screaming. The devil was her stepfather, and, while he'd never flaunted that side of himself in front of her, well, her parents were both cops and seemed to be trouble magnets of their own. Even without the occasional demon or annoying angel sibling dropping in to threaten his family he'd had to save Trixie more than once from a drug dealer or arch criminal with a grudge. Still, maybe that all added up, because she was the only human he'd ever met besides Eve who had never flinched at him, not even in the beginning.

It was probably not good in the long run to be that accustomed to the infernal, but that was a worry for another day.

She gave his reddened eyes her full focus. "I can't tell you that."

"You know I won't kill him."

"There's no way Maze won't."

"I can control her."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Can you?"

"Maze is my friend. While she does not work for me, we have worked together for a long time," he hedged. "Besides, Linda would never let her around Charlie again if she'd slipped back into killing people on Earth."

Trixie smiled a little, despite everything. "I still…it would be wrong to send the devil and hell's best torturer after him."

"It would not be. It is completely wrong to lie to someone, manipulate their feelings, and then blackmail them in their most vulnerable moments. I assure you, if that weasel has any semblance of guilt in him, he's already booked his seat to my domain when the time comes." His voice was strong enough to make the windows rattle, and Lucifer took in a breath, forcing himself to speak normally, to put that much of his infernal side away.

His eyes still simmered.

"I…you're not going to kill him."

"I'd never do that, and I promise I'll keep Maze from it as well."

"And you won't cripple him forever?"

"I assure you that I definitely don't do that anymore either."

"Anymore?" she yipped.

Lucifer sighed and the anger leaked out of him, taking the crimson tint to his vision with it. "A very long story, child, and one I've no interest in rehashing tonight. If you give me his address, you have my word that he will not be killed or maimed."

"And you won't drive him insane, right?"

"I can't make that promise in so many words. It depends on how he deals with the Devil. Some take my true nature better than others. Perhaps he'll only go to Rome for a month." There was still bitterness there, and it was unfair and unearned in Chloe's case, but that would always be a sore point with him. "Most people who see all that I am recover in time."

"I…I thought he loved me."

Lucifer sighed and slid onto the bed next to her. Opening out his left arm, he was glad when she slid up against his side. "To be honest, urchin, I have no understanding of that. While I've only loved one person in my very long and wicked life."

"Awww."

"I have had many lovers."

"Less 'awww,' Lucifer. I do not need a stroll down black book lane."

"I won't dwell, spawn, but I was always invested in their happiness and in giving them what they desired for our time together. Demons do not love, of course, but betrayal and power games are understood going into any consort relationships. Humans baffle. I don't understand either how they can claim to love you and yet betray you later. So, I have no idea why Derek would do such a thing to you."

She sighed. "Well, Mandy's prettier than I am."

"That's flatly impossible. You're gorgeous, and I'd know. I have seen the prettiest in L.A. for over a decade. You could hold a candle to any of the most attractive patrons at Lux."

She rolled her eyes and looked up at him. "That's sweet, I think. I just…I didn't think we'd get married or anything like that. I'm eighteen and so not Amish, but I did think what we had meant as much to him as it did to me. God, I'm so stupid."

"My Father assuredly had nothing to do with this. This is squarely on Derek's shoulders, and I'll be helping to point that out to him. Now, urchin, what's the address. You give that to me, and in our second deal of the night-what a red letter day for you, I rarely give two-fors-I will dole out punishment to him that is neither fatal nor crippling. Deal?"

"I shouldn't ask this."

"Oh, trust me, child, no that I know, I'd do this for free. No deal needed. Now, the address, Beatrice, and I'll make sure this ends tonight."

She frowned. "You don't have to. I made the mess."

"_He_ made it, and Mazikeen and I will fix this."

She nodded and burrowed into his side. "4322 Willowbrook Lane. You give me your word he won't have a scratch on him?"

"Of course, now, you rest, and I'll take care of the rest. Promise, and you know I always keep those."

He'd forgotten how much he liked the anticipation before punishment was rendered. How the myriad of scenarios and options playing through his mind made his blood sing and his heart pound. Mazikeen and he sat in the shadows of the living room. She'd been far angry than he had, and several cars in the neighborhood had suffered as a result. He had no qualms about that, if some cars a few blocks down had been pulverized to nothing. Better them that Derek, at least to relieve Trixie's conscience. However, the arse's parents seemed to be out for the weekend, and they could both hear him fumbling with that new girl of his upstairs.

Poor Trixie since from what they could both hear, it didn't seem Derek was more than a two-pump chump. While they hadn't apparently slept together, thank Dad, Lucifer couldn't imagine the fumbling idiot was any better at kissing either.

Eventually, loud footfalls on the stairs told him and Maze both that Derek was hustling down the stairs for a snack. Perfect.

The git didn't make it to the fridge before Lucifer stood and coughed. The shadows covered him still, and he was counting on that. "Now, Derek is it?"

The fool dropped the slice of pizza he'd recovered from the fridge and jumped a foot in the air. He let out a yip that would have made Charlie's screams as a toddler sound dignified. "Who are you! I have a gun."

Maze laughed. "That won't affect us, and you'd never move fast enough to get it."

"I…wait, are you that weird leather fetish bitch who hangs around Trix?"

Lucifer held up his hand, urging his demon to stay as hidden in the dark as he was. "We're here on her behalf. We know about the pictures and the blackmail, Derek, and we'd like all of the photos and your phone as laptop as well, just to be safe. You'll delete everything in front of us, and you'll both apologize to Trixie and leave her alone for the rest of your useless life. That's the good option. If you refuse, then Mazikeen and I can have all the fun we'd like."

Maze snorted beside him. "Within reason, unfortunately. You have no idea how much fun I have breaking kneecaps and yanking out urethras, _none_."

"You're crazy!" The kid lunged toward the stairs. "I'm calling the cops."

"Yes, that makes sense. Do call the local constabulary and have her mother and father take the notes from you on how you're trying to blackmail their child. That should go even worse for you than what we have in store," Lucifer said. Exhausted by Derek's sheer idiocy, and poor Trixie really needed better taste in boys.

Then again, her mother had chosen both Daniel and Cain so there might be a genetic deficiency there.

"You broke into my house."

"Oddly, it was unlocked," he replied, nodding toward Maze who had no problem seeing him in the least.

The stepped from the shadows and Lucifer unfurled his large, leathery wings and offered a feral grin towards Mazikeen, whose true face was showing as well. Glaring back at the fool, he flashed his eyes, making them go as bright as they could. "You've a lot of guilt don't you, Derek. Trixie's not the first girl you've done this to, is it. After all, tell me, what is it you desire?"

The boy had fallen to his knees and that just wouldn't do. Lucifer nodded toward Mazikeen, and it was so like the old days then. She walked around Derek and yanked him to his feet. Her blade at his neck-a threat this time, not a promise of future use-kept him from moving again.

"You're not…you can't be real."

"Oh, but I am." He stepped closer and lowered his voice to a growl. "What do you want?"

"I…I just wanted to get into Stanford. I didn't have the grades, but I realized I could get the smart girls to do what I needed. I started with someone for English stuff and then one for French, but I was tanking Calculus and Trixie's a genius. I just needed the grades, man?"

Maze's blade drew close enough to his neck to draw blood, and Lucifer shook his head. "We promised, Mazikeen, for Trixie's sake."

"Only because it's what she wanted." She held the arse tighter. "You're lucky Trixie has mercy where we don't."

"I…what are you going to do to me?" The boy was sobbing now, making low, keening noises in between his shuddering breaths. He was still able to talk, so Lucifer took that as a good sign.

"We want the pictures, your computer, your phone, and we'd like you to write Stanford and confess what you've done. If you ever do this to any girl again, I promise you that I will find out, and I will be no longer held to any leash of Trixie's." Lucifer nodded toward Maze. "Nor will she, and I'd be oh so worried about that."

Maze twisted his shoulder hard. It snapped, and Lucifer hoped it was no more than a dislocation. Trixie would be pissed if it were broken. "You'll do the same thing for the other girls, the ones you're still blackmailing. Give it all back and you'll turn yourself over to your school too. If you ever breathe a word of what you've done to Trixie specifically or tried to do out loud, I don't care what she wants, I'll gut you like a fish. Her parents never get to hear about this, is that understood?"

"Yes," he said, and that familiar smell again. This time the git had fully soiled himself. "I…can I get the stuff now? It's all upstairs."

"Maze will go with you," Lucifer said. "Don't tarry. She won't like that either." He stalked up to Derek and ignored the smell. Taking one long talon, he eased it down the idiot's cheek. "Remember this. Remember _me_, and know that with what you've done, there's nothing you can do to avoid the inevitable. May you live a very long time, Derek, because after that, you're not just mine…you're _hers_."

Maze let him go but kicked at his ankle. "I've tortured a literal goddess. When the time comes, I'll crack you in under ten minutes. And I'll keep going. Now get the damn pics!" she barked, half dragging him up the stairs.

Lucifer let out a low breath and slumped against the island in the kitchen. He would never tell Chloe about tonight, that much he knew, even if Trixie's self-esteem wasn't at stake. Or his promise. He wouldn't tell Trixie exactly what they'd done, although she was a smart girl, and she'd figure it out on her own well enough. No, Lucifer could never tell either of them, because he hadn't been wrong years ago at the piano in Lux. Chloe wanted to see-still always saw-the best of him. The angel he'd been.

He loved her for that. And sometimes hated her just a little bit for it too.

Tonight, dear Dad, had tonight felt so right. So intoxicating, and as long as he lived, as tame as he tried to be, a large part of him would always love it. He might spend most of his time helping the innocent, but he was as he was, as he'd been forged over eons, and punishing the guilty was what he'd been reformed to do.

And he was bloody brilliant at it.

"Hey, can we talk?"

Lucifer looked up from the piano in his penthouse but didn't stand. In the few weeks following his and Maze's visit to Derek, Trixie had had a complete turn around and much to Chloe's relief was back to her usual, bubbly self. Even Daniel was grateful, he'd stacked the precinct fridge with extra pudding, labeled just for Lucifer. It was oddly sweet, and about as much thanks as he'd ever gotten from the other man.

"Always, urchin." He sipped his Scotch and shrugged at her. "I have some soda and some juice, cranberry and orange, if you'd like. I won't serve you."

"No thanks, I've had that monkey on my back once. I don't want to go back."

"Good then," he said, playing a few bars of "Sympathy for the Devil" in deference to the last conference they'd seen together. Well, and to being the inspiration for it. Always had loved him some Mick Jagger, made a good bet on that one. "Is everything alright, Trixie? No one's bothered you since, have they?"

She snorted and leaned against his baby. Under any other circumstances, he'd have chided her for touching the Steinway so cavalierly, but they'd had a long month. "I spied Maze at least twice hanging out by Derek's car. Is she tailing him?"

"If she keeps her own eye on him from here on out, well, she made no deals with you. I think she'll want to just monitor him at least through his expulsion. Maybe for the first few years of his life as a gas station attendant or asking people if they want fries with that."

"She doesn't have to."

"Oh, she _gets _to. Mazikeen hasn't had someone to menace like this in a dozen years. She's quite content."

His stepdaughter nodded. "Thank you. I…it was wrong of me to ask."

"You had no other refuge."

"I could have talked to mom and dad, brought charges."

"It would have been messy, public record, and you might have lost anyway even with your parents' pull and my own behind it. Besides, we both know you didn't want to crush your mother or Daniel like that."

"No, I didn't." She sighed and stared him in the eye, and she had an unwavering gaze that would have made a demon proud. He should know. "But, I could have. I leaned on you because it was easier, saved my image for my parents. You took the brunt of this, Lucifer, and for that I'm truly sorry."

He frowned. "I don't think I understand."

Trixie nodded. "I knew you wouldn't. Maze got it. She talked to me after school and advised me to come by, but, honestly, I knew I should have done that a week ago when you started making excuses to be at the penthouse more than around me."

"I have a large wrap party for a fairly anticipated film here next week. I do occasionally work at Lux too. Can't have Patrick do all of it."

She walked over the sofa and flopped down onto it. Lucifer flinched inwardly at the thought of her hurting the Italian leather too. Then again, she wasn't eleven years old anymore, was she? And that was the crux of their latest problem.

"I used you."

"I offered services, and we made a deal. I seem to remember you getting the raw end of it. Derek seems to have recovered well enough, but I was bluffing a bit about the state he'd come out of his meeting with Mazikeen and me in. I wasn't sure he wouldn't end up a raving madman. So, no, I was hardly used."

Trixie crossed her arms over her chest and those dark eyes regarded him, and he had to remember that she was no longer the devious child she'd been. Now just the intelligent woman with her mother's fire and ferocity before him.

"I knew once I told you, you'd go full devil on him and Maze wouldn't hide herself either. I know exactly what that can and has done to people. Mom told me once about Jimmy Barnes back when we went to Rome."

"She did, did she?"

"She had a nightmare one night and we were sharing a hotel room. I was scared so I got her to talk to me, just to say anything to make sure she'd be okay by morning. She didn't mention you, but she talked about scary things and how things had gone so wrong with that guy when she got shot, how they both thought they saw things."

"Like me?" Lucifer asked, his voice tight.

"She didn't say it in so many words, but I've pieced it together since then, exactly what you can do, the effect it has on some. I guessed, and, yeah, maybe I hoped it really would drive Derek nuts."

Lucifer stood and, despite his desire to make a bee line for the bar, he turned to the sofa and sat down next to her. "Then, you have a bit more of Penelope and also Daniel in you than I'd have thought. They tend to cut more corners, but, Beatrice, I'd have done that gladly for you, just as much as Maze did." He shrugged and wrapped a hand around her shoulders. "I'm the Devil. It's hardly the first time I've shown it to someone, and it will be far from the last."

"But Maze likes being a demon."

He frowned. "I like being the devil."

Trixie frowned up at him. "I don't think you do. I mean, I'm sure you did before you fell for Mom, but I don't think it's the same at all for you. Maze was literally made to do this, and God _forced_ you to start up the King of Hell stuff. You didn't want it."

"I got used to it. Fits well enough."

"Not now, not between games of Monopoly, which is totally lame."

"Your mother still likes it. Hush up, you."

"…or days spent catching killers and bringing some small bit of justice to Los Angeles. I dunno, I just, I know what it's like to fall off the wagon, you know? It's probably best that you go full devil as little as you have to and only when actual demons are involved."

Lucifer frowned back at her, and something warm blossomed in his chest. He was still so unused to anyone, outside of Chloe of course, caring about him, worrying over him. It touched him in a way he couldn't describe to have the urchin fretting over him as well.

"I won't start twirling a mustache and tying women to train tracks because I scared Derek there, and he was worse than most demons I know. Ask Maze, if you don't believe me."

"Oh, I do."

"However," he said, squeezing her close. "I'm glad I have you looking out for me, Beatrice. You're quite crafty and useful. Maze has helped you hone your instincts well. As far as children went, you were the most tolerable I've ever encountered. Still sticky, but at least bearable in small doses."

"Thanks, Lucifer."

"That's a high bit of praise from the Lord of Darkness, himself."

She surprised him then by kissing his cheek. "Thank you, and I promise, I'll never ask you for anything like that as long as I live."

Lucifer beamed back at her. He'd be lording that over Daniel for _months_. She'd been going through this "I'm too cool for familial affection" phase since junior year. Ha! "I appreciate the sentiment, but this isn't a deal or a favor or anything else. What I'm giving you now is a vow, freely given of my own word."

"Everything's so serious with you."

"Never! I want you to know that I will watch you and yours for as long as I am on Earth, Trixie Espinoza. I will always do what is necessary to keep you and any progeny you have safe, barring of course murder or maiming. I would never do that again. However, should the Devil, in all his glory, be needed to protect you, I would never deny you that. I couldn't." He smiled genuinely and hugged her tight. "Only failing to protect you would have me fall off the wagon fully."

"Lucifer-"

"Nope, you can't take back something I offer freely. There's no end of the bargain for you to keep up. It's a gift, Beatrice, so take it. It's already really been given to your mother before you."

"Okay, well, maybe next time just like buy someone's family's house out from under them and bulldoze it. Think not always about Devil stuff first."

He grinned and stood, holding out his hand and waiting for her to take it. When she did, he yanked her up to meet him. "I like the way you think. Perhaps Maze and I need a third to help us think of less obvious yet more tricky human punishments. After all, we should put that cunning brain of yours to good use before your president of Mars of course."

She smiled up at him and a look like that was everything, made him grateful for all he'd endured just to bask in her happiness for a moment. And he'd use every tool in his arsenal, every power he had, divine or infernal, to give her a million more reasons to smile like that.

Gladly.

"Now, Miss Espinoza, I believe there's a quaint little karaoke bar a few blocks from here and they'll look the other way if I escort you in. You can pick whichever songs you like."

"You know I'm going to hit a lot of Disney and classic 90s jams that Mom always listens to in the car, right? I mean, can you do Backstreet Boys?"

Lucifer grinned. "Well, spawn, I hope you know that I want it that way."


End file.
